Monday, November 12, 2007
How can you hide from what never goes away?Helped mom pick out an oven today, eventhough I have no absolute clue about shit like that. She asked which was better, I pointed to the one with lots of words underneath the picture."Slowly over the years, the data will accumulate in your heart and mind, a computer program of total negativity will build into your system, making life feel more and more unbearable. But you wont even notice it coming on, thinking that it is somehow normal, something about getting older, about turning eight or turning twelve or turning fifteen, and then one day you realise that your entire life is just awful, not worth living, a black dot on the white terrain of human existence. One morning you wake up afraid you're going to live"In my case Im not frightened of life. 'There is too much to die for, yet too little to live for' I cant remember who said it, or if I read it somewhere, but there's much truth in it.Sorry for the many epi-paragraphs accompaning each post. Emotions, or lack of emotions or rather the colour black representing all the morose in me is running wild.Anyways, I will love you to death if you can find me a complete collection of Rilke's poems and a compilation of Heraclitus works.Which reminds me, I left a heartfelt letter to my conscious in an Econs book that I just returned to the library. With my name signed at the bottom, and come to think of it why the fuck did I have to write my name at the bottom if I was writing it to my fucking conscious?