Friday, May 11, 2007
"
What he and many people dont understand is that there is more to depression than a sometimes overwhelming feeling of inadequacy and hopelessness and profound sadness. When people are depressed they are sometimes very, very angry. They are not just quietly miserable. They can be filled with great passion." -7 types of Ambiguity-
Im neither happy nor sad. But like Amir says, 'Things can be better'
At this point, I honestly dont care. I want to fag all day and fulfill my morbid urge to just go ahead and ram into the divider. I want to drive out to a secluded area, somewhere on top of a hill with a spectacular view and sleep under the stars on the hood of my car. Fuck the rapists and potential murderers. For once, I dont want to care. I want to scream obscenities all day to everyone and anyone. And walk around all day with my underwear on. I want to phone up everyone and tell them what I honestly think of them. And I blady fucking hell want to lay in bed all day without anyone saying a word to me and just let me stare into nothing and everything.
I need to fall apart and be in pieces for a while.
And Im sorry, sorry that I cant always be there for you or for anyone at this particular moment. When Im not even here for me.